One year. How much can change in the course of a year? One year ago I was in emergency brain surgery to remove a large walnut sized tumor on the left frontal lobe of my brain. And with that discovery, they discovered my cancer and all that came with that.

This past week, as we have been coming nearer to the anniversary of all of this, I have been especially emotional. As I looked at memories on facebook of spending time with my family, but knowing that behind that smile was a girl who was absolutely terrified because she had no idea what was going on, only that her ability to communicate was disappearing more each day. I was so scared that I would be trapped in my head forever.

The past few weeks I have been very nervous – not scared, but worried. You see, my last bloodwork with the cancer DNA came back the higher it has ever been, and it wouldn’t be until I got my most recent scans that we would even know what that meant. And so I prayed and waited, holding out hope that it wasn’t terrible news, like the last time those numbers jumped higher.

Yesterday, Kevin and I met with my amazing oncologist, Dr. Ulmer. We actually avoided looking at the scans before we met with him, because I wanted to be with the person who would tell me what was good, what was bad, and what the plan should be. I didn’t want to worry and spiral. I’m so glad we did, because he always has the next right step ready for me.

The news from the scans was that my tumors are stable, for the most part, but there was a new one on my liver. He also noticed that my lungs were getting inflamed, which is a possible side effect from the Enhertu (my current chemo), and he was concerned about it getting worse. (Luckily, I don’t have any symptoms from it as of yet – no coughing or illness.)

And so we have a few new options. He is still hoping to get me on the pill treatment (I forgot to write down the long and complicated name) that the insurance denied months ago. And if that doesn’t work, I qualify for one of his clinical trials, and will be meeting with the team soon to find out more about that. (And it is amazing to me, that the treatments I have already used which are being used around the world, like Ketruda, were actually developed by HIS team. Wow!)

We have a good plan, and we are moving forward. I just pray that the treatment we end up using will be the one that finally kills this highly aggressive cancer in my body. And in the meantime, other than some excessive hair loss from my brain radiation and gaining ten pounds from being on a long course of steroids, I am actually feeling pretty great. My last steroid shot in my spine really helped with the back pain, and I am feeling so much better than I have in months and months. I am blessed.

But the thing that really helps the most, is that I am not in this journey alone. Not only do I have friends and family who help hold me us, but I am walking with Jesus. I truly love this quote from Camille N. Johnson:

“You can do hard things with Jesus, or you can do hard things alone. That is your choice. But when you do hard things with Jesus Christ, the hard becomes holy.”