The struggle with my emotions lately is very real. Frustration, anxiety, sorrow, all laced with gratitude and hope. Because of that, I have been leaning even harder into my faith and finding reminders that the Lord has me and is walking with me. Like this quote from Kristin Yee, “Jesus Christ came to help lift our burdens and carry what we cannot and were not meant to carry on our own.”

I also had this particular line from the talk by President Henry B. Eyring’s talk in the last General Conference. I had read and listened to this talk many times, but this particular line truly hit me this time, “He is making you strong enough to carry the weight of eternal life.” Wow! What a gift. “I bear witness that these moments are not evidence that the Lord has abandoned you. Rather, they are evidence that He loves you enough to refine and strengthen you.”

I am so grateful for the insight and inspiring words of others. “Because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to.” This one especially hit close to home – “Faith isn’t pretending something hard is good. Faith is trusting that God is good and that He is writing a bigger story than you can see right now. Faith doesn’t mean you never hurt. Faith means you believe God is still there while you hurt.”

This week started off with a very interesting Sunday School lesson. Our normal teacher was sick, and her substitute teaches middle school, so he brought us Lego figures to act out the stories of Joseph who was sold into Egypt. It was entertaining, even though I really missed getting to talk more about the lessons we learn from Joseph’s story.

School has been moving along. We have had SO MANY March birthdays, that it seems like we are singing and celebrating everyday – ha ha!

Oh, and my homeroom class is the sweetest. The other day, just as they were about to head out the door for dismissal, one of my students dropped his bag of Legos and they went everywhere. They all stopped what they were doing and rushed to help him. It filled my heart with even more love for these amazing kids.

This has been a highly stressful week for me, as I have been calling daily to try and get my echocardiogram scheduled so that I can actually get the new treatment they have scheduled for Friday. Since it has risks for my heart, they need a baseline, and it won’t be approved without the echo. It has been utterly frustrating, and I was at my wit’s end. Not only that, but I pretty much had appointments every day after school already, so I had no idea how or when they could even fit it in.

On Wednesday, my appointment was a very specialized CT of my heart, which required me to leave school at lunch to go to the hospital. I had to have a heart rate of less than 75 BPM, and when I arrived, it was about 99 😂 – maybe had something to do with my stress level right now, as well as rushing over from work and having taught school all morning. Good times. They had to give me meds to slow it down, and so I sat and read my book while I waited. And yes, had yet another IV.

When I finally went in for for the CT, the Technician asked if I had had a CT before. I almost laughed out loud. I can’t even count how many I have had now. Same with MRIs, and since I always have a different tech, they always ask the same thing. It is also funny that all these things I had always dreaded and hated, MRIs, IVs, having them take blood for blood tests, etc, have become so common place in my life, that while I still don’t enjoy them, they don’t even phase me now.

After I was done with the cardio CT, I was walking to the parking lot and I felt prompted to go back inside and up to my cardiologist’s office and talk to them face to face about the echo. The sweet receptionist pulled strings, talked to all the right people, and before I knew it, I was walking across the hall to the cardiology radiology center to get my echo. It was a miracle!!! Especially because they were finished with all their scheduled appointments for the day and were about to go home. It meant that I could actually get my treatment on Friday. 😭

And on Friday, Kevin and I went for my newest treatment, an Enhertu infusion. They did it slowly so they could watch for any adverse reactions, so we were there for over three hours, but we were so grateful it was able to happen. (It also meant that I had to leave school early again, but since the main block of teaching happens for me from 7:30am to 12:15pm, they are really good about having someone come in and cover my class for the last 30 minutes of the day when the kids are back in my room.)

That night, I had the sweetest package waiting for me from a neighbor and the mother of one of my students. It was perfect timing and yet another glimpse of how the love of others blesses our lives.

That night, we had a group date planned with some friends, and since it was just dinner at the Fisher’s house, followed by going to the movies to see “Project Hail Mary,” it was relaxing enough to do on a treatment day. Especially because I had a reclining chair and a blanket – although I kept having the chemo hot flashes, so the blanket was more to keep my sweat soaked body from sticking to the movie theater seat – ha ha! It was a wonderful night though.

On Saturday, before we knew I would have treatment the day before, Kevin had asked me to take pictures of a PGA Hope event his friend, Jamie, was holding. It was a tournament with his junior golfers teamed up with veterans. It turned out to be a very, very hot day, and things were delayed quite a bit, and so we were hours behind schedule, but it all worked out.

They had some great ceremonies, and some great speakers as well to teach the kids and pull the group together before they got to play together.

They also had a famous long drive winner, AJ Jones, do some trick shots for the kids. He even got them involved, and Kevin was his adult volunteer, which was very fun.

Eventually, around 5pm (way later than planned), the golf course finally gave them the golf carts so that they could get started with the tournament. By then, I was feeling awful from my chemo the day before, but was able to have one of the guys in charge, and another friend of Kevin’s, David, drive me around to quickly get pics of them all on the course. Then I had Derek drive the 40 minutes across town to pick me up and take me home.

Another reason I was anxious to get home was that my cousin Wendy and her family were at the house waiting for us. It was a last minute visit as they were driving home from visiting family out West, but I am so glad they came. I love her dearly!

And her boys and Arthur are three peas in a pod. They play and talk and play some more. Such a special blessing!!

They were only in town for less than 24 hours, but it was totally worth it, and we loved having them visit. Wendy’s husband, Stephen, was even there (although he avoided pictures), which was very fun. It was the best way to end a very instense and stressful week.