Over the past few weeks, there have been a lot of hard things – bad news, discouraging results, and lots and lots of pain. There have been a lot of days where hope and positivity was very hard to find. On these days, remembering my Savior, Jesus Christ, is so much more important for my heart.

“Because of His glorious Atonement, Jesus Christ can strengthen us in our times of trial. He knows how to succor us because He has felt all the challenges that we will ever feel in mortality.” – Henry B. Eyring

A few weeks ago, I got some very disconcerting news when I got my latest bloodwork results. I went from having 0.06 MTL/mL of the cancer molecules in my blood, to 6.37 MTL/mL in my blood. It meant that the cancer was suddenly much more present in my blood, and was probably spreading again.

Well, when we got the results from my latest round of MRIs, as well as my PET scan, this was verified. Not only was the cancer spreading again, but very aggressively. I suddenly have “at least 8 new enhancing lesions” in my brain. Eight new tumors in my brain?! What the heck?! They also found a new tumor in my tailbone area, which led to an additional MRI. And on the PET scan, it seemed like I should just focus on the places where they weren’t finding any tumors (Go Spleen!!🙃)

On Tuesday night, when I got the initial findings of some of my MRIs, I was devastated, and so was Kevin. I just cried, and when Kevin tried to help me feel better and find perspective, I may have gotten angry. I just needed to sit in the sad for a while. I needed to let myself feel the heartache and the sorrow before I tried to pull it together and be strong again. And so we sat together, and he held me until my back pain made it hurt too much.

On Wednesday, that was when my doctor saw the scans. And you know it is bad when his office calls you to see if you can see him right away. Thank goodness for my amazing students. It doesn’t happen often, but there are times when I get calls from the doctors offices, and they are amazing. It doesn’t matter what is going on, they stop and are silent. Well, that happened four times on Wednesday morning – two calls from my oncologist, one from my radiation oncologist (yes, more radiation 😭), and another about my PET scan for that Friday.

Wow, I have the most amazing oncologist. Not only is Dr. Ulmer one of the best in the country and is cutting edge when it comes to treatment, but he cares. He stayed late at the office so that he could meet with Kevin and I to discuss options. It turns out that my body has decided to stop responding to the chemo and the immunotherapy, and that is why everything is spreading again. But he already had a plan. Early on, in the very beginning, he had my DNA tested for compatibility for different treatments, and it just so happens that because I have a specific gene mutation, I qualify to use a brand new treatment – one that was only approved a month ago. I will start it as soon as we get back from Spring Break. Wow.

I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Chevli, the following day and will be doing radiation on my tailbone starting soon, but we are going to hold off on more brain radiation until after I try this new treatment for a month (since it is supposed to cross the brain blood barrier).

So we have a plan. And I have something to hope for and hang on to. Even if this all was definitely NOT part of my original plan. I have the Lord by my side, I have the prayers of so many that are truly sustaining me, and I have Kevin and the kids right there with me. As I recently read in a talk by Brad Wilcox, “You’ve got this, because Jesus Christ has got you.” And when we choose to walk with Him, we are never alone.

PS. In random news, my hair has been growing back in those large bald patches. It is about 1-1 1/2 inches long now and is curling up all funny, but wow, I am so stinking grateful!! Seriously, definitely something to celebrate.