I guess it’s time for an update about me and how I’m doing, but I’ve been so overwhelmed with all the emotions this week, that I haven’t been sure how to put it into words. It has now been four and a half months since my emergency brain surgery, and I have been through three courses of radiation (on my brain tumors, on a tumor on my spine, as well as tumors in my left hip), as well as four courses of chemo and immunotherapy. It has been a journey, and it isn’t over.

I love my December roses. In Texas, there are two growing seasons, and my roses come back more beautiful than ever by the time December rolls around. In a way, I feel like my roses. During the heat of the summer, the buds are small and sad, but in the spring and the late fall, they are amazing. But when they’re tiny and shriveled, you have to hang onto Hope and remember that they’re going to bloom into something beautiful again. There are definitely times when I am the shriveled bud, and I’m waiting to come back to beautiful. I feel like I am in that phase right now.

On Tuesday, Kevin and I met with my oncologist. I was so worried I would get bad news, and was so hoping for the best news, that it was almost as if I didn’t know how to react when it was just good news. And truly, it is good news and miraculous. It just wasn’t the complete miracle I was hoping for in the back of my mind.

My oncologist is very happy with my scans and my progress. All of my tumors are shrinking or stable (for example, my lung tumor hasn’t shrunk, but it hasn’t grown) and of the nine tumors I started with, the only one that is completely gone is the one surgically removed. Although I wish they were just gone, I have to content myself with this, because it is good news.

I am starting on maintenance care on the 18th, which will be a 3-4 week rotation of immunotherapy combined with a smaller dose of chemo (instead of the two types I have been on). I will receive my treatments after work on Thursdays, so that the worst of my symptoms will be over the weekend. I really was hoping for no more chemo, but I also knew that it was probably going to happen.

Also, I got an email from HR that I’m cleared to go back to work on Monday, which is so exciting, and also terrifying. I can’t wait to get back in my classroom again, to finally meet my students, and have this part of my life back.

I have also been able to stay in my calling as Relief Society president, and have seen so many amazing blessings as I have been able to serve the sisters in a different way over the course of my treatments.  As they would come to me and sit on my couch, I was able to be a place for them to lay down their burdens, while also serving and lifting me.  It has been amazing.

I have so many feelings. Like I said, I am overwhelmed, but I am hanging on to hope – sometimes by a thread, and sometimes like a bear hug . Luckily, I have the love and support of so many, especially my Savior, Jesus Christ .