I often write posts in my head as I am doing things during the day.  It is almost a way for me to process all that is happening in my crazy life.  This past week I have had so many different thoughts, that I thought I might share them with you.  I warn you that it may be long . . .

SOMETHING MISSING

Kevin has been away long enough that we have settled into a routine.   I don't really notice his absence as much, and things are okay.  The thing is, even though we have found a sense of normalcy, or have gotten into "survival mode," as I like to call it, I just feel empty.  There is something missing in our home, and in our hearts, and that is Kevin.

MUSIC

Music is such an amazingly powerful thing.  As I was driving in the car today, an old Alanis Morrissett song came on that took me straight back to 1995 and high school.  And then, this afternoon I found some great old LDS songs from Messengers of Light that I bought and downloaded.  They took me back to my childhood instantly. 

I have also been thinking about the power of music a lot because of all the great Christmas music we have been listening to around the house.  The kids and I are all happier when there is good music around us, and I need to remember more often to turn on the music instead of the TV. 

(I am also in love with XM radio – we got a free trial with our van.  The kids love it too, since Playhouse Disney comes on every day at noon, just as I pick Lily up from Preschool.)

PROJECTS

I have a massive list of things I want to finish before Kevin gets home (mostly because I want to be free to enjoy the season together).  A lot of them are simple things I have already been able to finish, like decorating and the Christmas cards, but some of them are bigger, like making Lily her fleece blanket.  One project I finished on Saturday was completing and ordering my Blog book, and I can't tell you how excited I am to get it.  After seeing how great Shannon's turned out, I know it will be fabulous.

BLOGGING

I am so grateful for the technology that not only allows me to keep a journal of my family's life, but allows me to keep in touch with all my family and friends.  I have reconnected with so many old friends, and have been able to stay close to so many others through this blog.  In fact, just a few weeks ago, through my book club blog, I found an old friend from Twin Falls, whom I haven't seen in over 10 years!  It is such a small world.

READING

I have loved reading my whole life, but during college I lost a lot of my desire to read for pleasure – mostly because of all the horrible and boring required reading of textbooks.  When I started teaching school, I got sucked back into the world of Children's Literature – which I love so much!!  I did, however, have a hard time finding great adult books. 

This is why I am so happy with having a book club (one in person and one online).  It gets me reading new and different things, many of which I love.  And of course, there are all those great fantasy and Star Wars books that Kevin has introduced me to :).  Lets just say that I am back to reading 2-4 books a month, and I love it!

PHOTOGRAPHY

In the past 2 months, I have had three paying jobs, which blows me away.  I love doing it so much, it almost seems dishonest to take money for it.  You can check out my lastest photo adventures on my photography blog :).  My next adventure will be doing senior pictures for my friend's son, and I am so excited about it, that I can't even see straight!!

LILY

I don't know what I would do without my baby girl.  I love her so much, and although I have been very frustrated with her actions the past little while, I often marvel at what an amazing and strong spirit she is.  She grasps things so well, and never fails to surprise Kevin and I. 

But besides all of that, she is so sweet and loving.  My favorite part of the day is putting her to bed.  After we have a story, read scriptures, and "tuck tuck tuck" her in, I give her one last kiss and hug, and my heart just overflows with love for her.  It doesn't matter how hard the day has been, it happens every time.

DEREK

His smiles melt me every time.  He has been vocalizing so much more in the past few weeks, and it is so much fun!!  I love trying to decipher what he is saying – especially when he seems to be tattling on "yiyi" (Lily). 

He, out of all of us, is having the hardest time with Kevin's absence.  He has been having trouble sleeping, and last night he woke up very upset saying, "Where'd he go daddy?"  (At times like that, I am counting my blessings that it is just a TDY and he isn't deployed.  We are very lucky.)  He did get to talk to Kevin on the phone today, which was awesome.   

SLEEP

I love sleep.  It still isn't the best, but it is so much better than it was.  One night last week I got to sleep for an uninterrupted 6 hours!!! WOW!  It's been 4 1/2 years.  My problem right now, however, is that with Kevin gone, I am staying up way too late.  I have a really hard time going to bed with him gone.  It is odd, but I just can't get myself to go in the bedroom and go to bed, even though I am exhausted.  You wouldn't think someone who is almost 30 would need her husband around to tell her to go to bed, but I guess I do :).  It's all good though, because tonight I am going to be good.  I'm going to end this post and go to sleep right now :).